[spray]
[hums]
[tisk]
[metallic thuds]
[louder metallic thud]
Oh, something's back there.
Oh.
[laughing] You got one, too.
Oh! Thanks. [laughing]
You're welcome.
Oh.
[both laugh]
[laughs stop]
Nice outfit. I meant to tell you back there.
Thanks. Yours, too.
[giggles]
They think I'm crazy
to get this for flying.
[scoffs] Me too. Shows what they know.
Yeah. It's all about taste.
[giggles] I'm Dawn.
Dee.
Cool. Dawn-Dee. [chuckles] That's so cute.
I guess so.
[Sighs]
Shall we take this baby up?
Sounds good to me.
So what's next?
Uh. We start the engine and we take off into the sky.
Okay. They make it sound so easy.
(Dee) That's how they explained it to me.
(Dawn) Oh-uh, tell me if I'm doing something wrong.
Okay. But I'm sure you'll know first.
I'll just pay close attention.
[giggles] Wow, I feel like I'm at Driver's Ed again.
[both chuckle]
Hey, great office supplies!
Oh, thanks.
That's a cute pen. Alright!
I want to take some notes.
Okay. Alright. So, seatbelt, check.
Mirrors?
Don't see any. Um. Blinkers?
Headlights?
I'm just gonna get my book out. Okay. Um. Alright.
Well, I turn on the master switch,
then the ignition?
Okay. Push the throttle.
[both laugh and yell]
(Both) We're flying!
Turn! Turn!
[laughs] I did it!
I can't believe it.
Okay. Miss St. Dom
and Miss Dee Twiddle.
We're gonna be flying over some incredible sce--
Amazing? Incredible scenery.
[gasps heavily] No!
Ladies!
Ladies, stop the plane.
Ladies! Ladies! Uh! Oh!
Stop the plane!
[both laugh and yell]
Alright, here we go!
Up, up and today!
[both laugh]
[gasps and heaves] Oh-- Oh, God!
What's wrong, Frank?
Bernie's lost his mind. He took off without clearance.
Bernie?
That'd be a first.
What the hell is he thinking?
You can ask him yourself.
[pants and chokes]
Oh my God.
[bangs door]
[pants and heaves]
They took the plane.
Who took the plane?
Two blondes. [gasps] Blondes.
Blondes.
Blondes?
Oh my God.
[both laugh and yell]
We're flying!
I can't believe it!
Do you always get this excited when you fly?
Yeah. Don't you?
Sure. [giggles]
So when did you start flying?
Well, today's my first lesson.
Really? Me, too.
[both chuckle]
Oh, that's funny.
[both gasp and yell]
Sean Bromley steps up to the tee,
he's an amateur in this Pro Am Tournament,
and as you might see,
a par here could tie him for the day.
Oh my God! We're gonna crash!
[both scream]
Look at that! What a shot!
Right for the pin.
A hole in one? Could it be?
[both yell]
That's pretty freaking low.
[both yell]
Do something!
What?
(Both) Turn it off!
[both gasp]
[both yell]
We're gonna crash!
[crowd screams]
Run for your life!
[both yell]
Look out!
[both yell]
Oh,
Oh!
Ladies and gentlemen,
the airplane has just made a hole in one.
[thump]
[crowd murmurs]
We're going up to the plane right now
there are two people inside,
They're okay!
There are two women
who just came out of the plane.
They seem to be okay.
We come in peace.
They're blond.
Is there a lawyer in here?
Uh, I'm a lawyer!
Yeah, me too.
I'm a lawyer.
I'm a litigation attorney.
Yeah, right here.
[both chuckle]
[thump]
So,
the bastard's living in Vancouver.
Can you believe the nerve?
Took an add out using his real name.
"The Beaver Patch Lounge."
Seems like old Louie hasn't changed a bit.
But the Witness Protection Program don't know nothing about this.
They will soon enough.
Let me take him out, boss.
It would give me great pleasure.
No.
We need someone to move undetected.
Too many FBl protecting him.
In and out, in the blink of an eye.
The Cat's eye.
The Cat?
Who better to kill a rat?
The perfect assassin.
Still completely unknown even by me.
A mastermind killer with an lQ off the scale of normal humans.
She's never failed.
Even her victims haven't seen her. A ghost.
She's not completely unknown we know she's a woman--
Don't interrupt me! Who's the freaking Godfather here, huh?
I'm sorry, boss.
Alright.
A ghost,
that never leaves a trace.
Send half the kill money to her contact.
If she nails this one,
we'll let her take out the infamous Mr. Wong.
Looks like I got another job, Kit.
Woo Hoo, party time!
The Godfather wants me
to take out Lou Rimoli
at the Beaver Patch Lounge.
I thought you were retiring.
Let me take this one. You have enough kills.
I have to do this last one, Kit.
A final favor for the Godfather.
Besides, doing Lou Rimoli will be a pleasure.
I promise,
after this one I'll turn the claw over to you.
Meow.
I love you.
[chuckles]
For driving without a license.
Pay a $100 fine and we don't even have to show up in court.
Aw, those cops are so sweet.
I know, they were cute, too.
I know.
Look at John Daley. I mean, please!
Come on, look around. Check all this out.
250,000 tons of snow.
All for me. For my vision.
For my picture.
When l say "Jump" the studio says "How high"?
Hey!
Oh!
All right! Let's shoot this thing before the snow melts.
Where's my megaphone guy?
Too slow!
You're fired!
Get me a new megaphone guy.
[sighs] What are we listening to?
Oh, that's The Sound of Music.
Oh, cool.
What's the music called?
Move! Hey!
Nobody yells "move" on my set. I'll tell you when to move.
Move!
[both scream]
Oh!
Are you okay?
[gasps] Those jerks!
Who were those crazy blondes?
Are they trying to get killed?
Didn't they see there were no crosswalks? Jeez.
God! Stupid Hill Piggies.
They'd better not have scratched my car.
I know.
(Dee) Are you okay?
(Dawn) I think so.
Are you okay?
Uh, l think so, too.
What a day.
Take a left here and then two rights.
Wait, no. I'm sorry. T ake a right here and then two lefts.
Wait. Can you say that again?
Um, I don't think so.
[mouths silently]
(Dee) Hey, are we going in circles?
(Dawn) [chuckles] No, don't be silly.
Go left. Okay, turn left and just
Here we go!
Wait, sharp right.
Woo! I'm dizzy!
(Dawn) [chuckles] Beep! We're here!
Oh! I'm in this one.
How long have you lived here?
Nine months.
How about you?
Not nearly that long. About a year.
Oh. Hey, you wanna come see Virgil?
Is he cute?
He's really cute.
Sure!
It's so cold.
[claps and chuckles]
Are you a magician?
No, it always does that.
Really? Can I try?
Sure.
[Both laugh and clap]
[laughs] I love it! Wow!
[laughs] I got to see him.
Virgil. Virgil.
Virgil's your dog?
No, Virgil's not a dog.
Oh, there he is. [sings] Virgil's a turtle.
(Dawn) Oh, Virgil.
(Dee) lt'll take 'em over a minute to get here.
He's the one to win the race, right Virgil?
Oh, Virgil. I don't think you're gonna win many races.
[chuckles] Well, just a figure of speech.
(Dee) Baby, come to mama.
Come here, baby. He likes to kiss me.
He's so cute. Virgil.
Are we?
Go back under there. There you go. Don't toot.
[farts]
What was that?
He has a little gas problem.
Oh, okay.
I got him from a turtle orphanage.
Really? They have them?
Not enough. That's my dream.
I want to have my own turtle orphanage.
And I want to dance in a Broadway play.
That's nice.
[chuckles] What's your dream?
My dream is to marry the man of my dreams.
Who is he?
I'll show you.
Wait 'till you see him.
(Dee) Oh, that's what that's for.
Yeah. DVDs.
At Superfly, our destinations are your dream vacations.
So come fly high with us.
(Dawn) lsn't he dreamy?
(Dee) Yeah, he's cute.
Can you help me land him?
Of course you can land him.
Really?
I mean, you have beauty and looks.
You can't lose.
Oh, thank you. [chuckles]
So, where are you dancing? I'd love to come see you some time.
Oh, well, I'm kinda between jobs right now.
Oh, me too.
Yeah, I got fired for typos.
[gasps] What are typos?
I have no idea.
I was working at a talent agency,
you know, a receptionist and secretarial stuff,
and I have to admit, I'm not much of a typist.
Ah! Sh.
I love White-O.
Mr. Lean, there's something wrong with the computer.
[sighs] What, what, what?
[sucks air in sharply and sighs]
Oh, my--
Get out! Now!
Well,
I've been working on a little Busby Berkeley, Gene Kelley number.
Oh, here. Sorry about that. [sings] Ta-ta-ra-ra.
Oh! Oh!
(Dawn) [laughs]
(Dee) [sings] Ta-ra-ta. [crash]
Oh!
[Crashes]
[sings] T a-ta-ra-ra. Like this. Like that.
(Dee) Whew!
I always do that. And then, it's a big fat, oh!
(Dee) Jeez. And then it's a big Ta-ra!
(Dee) Oh! Ow!
Wow!
Ow!
Oh!
That's it.
That's so good!
Wow! My God, you're a really good dancer.
You came up with all those moves yourself?
Uh-huh. Well, I had inspirations.
You're really good.
Thank you. Want to give it a try? Give it a try.
Oh, God, no. That's a hard act to follow, I couldn't do that.
You can, I will talk you through it. Okay? Yeah, do it.
Okay.
I'll start the music again.
Okay. Hey.
(Dawn) Start with the kicks.
Oh, shit. Well, sorry. Just, just, um.
Okay. And a one, and a two and a three.
Flashdance! Flashdance! And perfect, oh!
Now one, two, kick, kick those legs!
Kick it!
Oh my God.
Look at you. You're so good.
Big finish! Big finish!
Big finish?
Okay, big finish. Big finish!
[taps with heels]
[laughs]
[whispers] Jazz hands.
[whispers and chuckles] That's so good.
You are a natural.
"Natural", my ass.
I didn't train in 8 years for that.
A lot of good it did me.
Because, how many jobs really ask you to do the splits? Zippo.
Were you a dancer?
Gymnast. I tried out for the National Park Olympics,
I placed 90th.
[gasps] What happened?
Discovered boys. [chuckles] It was a lot more fun.
Because the guys really do dig my backbends,
so maybe it wasn't a total waste. [sighs]
A waste? With your talent, honey, you're gonna make us stars!
Oh my God.
At last!
(Dee) The first thing we do is build up your resume.
We do that by getting your first gig.
[gasps] Oh, look at this!
"Looking for dancers at the Beaver Patch Lounge"
That sounds like a nice family show.
Y eah, with animals.
Like Doctor Doolittle.
Yeah.
You're going for this audition and you'll get it.
With me, you can't lose.
[gasps] You think?
You know what they say, "Great minds do."
That's right. I'm so excited.
"Beaver Patch Lounge" that sounds like a great place to work.
Alright.
[tisk]
While transporting an alleged perpetrator in the car,
someone passed some very nasty gas.
And you denied being the guilty party and blamed the suspect,
Agent Campbell, was it not in fact you,
who cut the cheese?
No.
Ha!
Damn!
This machine is good.
Alright, alright. It-- it's my turn now. It's my turn. Okay.
Last fall, someone stole a donut,
off of my desk. They took a bite,
and they put it back.
Was that in fact you, Agent Gardenia?
No.
He, he.
Aw.
Okay, thi-- this machine has got to be wacko.
Let's do one more round, I'll give you, uh, uh,
five to one odds on this.
Hey.
I got a new job for you guys.
What's up, boss? [sighs]
Rimoli blew his cover as protected witness.
He's running a joint called "The Beaver Patch Lounge."
Until I can convince him to take on a new identity and relocate,
I want you two to shadow him. Make sure nobody wacks him.
Leave it to us, boss. No one will get near him with us watching.
[tisk]
For the past several months
somebody's been writing unflattering things about me
in the bathroom stalls.
Really?
Now, would that be you?
Or you?
Me? No. I-- l-- can assure you, sir,
that we-- we would never do such a thing.
We're professionals. That's out of character.
I can assure you we would never do such a thing.
These machines, look, they're so unreliable
that-- that we're calibrating.
Just get out of my sight
before I hook up your family jewels to those things.
[light chatter]
Damn. I don't believe it.
That's a very tasty act you got there, my dear.
Thank you.
[knocks]
What the hell are you doing? I'm in an audition.
What am I doing? Have you seen this ad?
Is the audition over?
No. Stay upside down.
You interrupt my fun to show me my ad?
You wrote this in the paper? You used your real name.
No shit. The name Louie Rimoli used to mean something in some places.
In powerful organizations
it means "Kill with extreme prejudice."
That was a long time ago. They've probably forgotten.
Yeah, yeah. Louie,
Louie, these people don't forget.
[gasps]
Oh, okay. You're hired.
[shrill laughter]
Send in the next girl. So I can finish my lunch.
[giggles]
You know I didn't join the Agency
to protect the scum of the earth.
Reformed scum of the earth.
That's what the Witness Protection Program is all about.
Look over there.
Tell me what's reformed.
We're here to protect Louie Rimoli.
Can't judge a book by it's cover, Agent Campbell.
This book should have been judged a long time ago.
My mother was right.
I should have been a bible salesman.
What?
Bibles.
No way.
Way.
[scoffs] Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.
I thought you were a Buddhist.
What are we doing here, Swan? We can get in big shit for this.
This is The Cat's job.
Don't worry, Leo, You're gonna give yourself a heart attack.
We won't interfere, you know.
Just wanna put a face to the reputation. That's all.
Nobody knows what she looks like.
Ah, that's why we're here. Okay? Now, keep your eyes peeled.
One of these women coming in or going out
is the infamous Cat.
You're next, doll face.
[clears throat] Hi.
Hi.
We're here for the audition.
[all chuckle]
Aren't we all.
[giggles]
It amazes me the lengths people go to to get these auditions.
I know.
I like your shorts.
Are those real nylon?
[clears throat and chuckles]
Oh, excuse me, do you guys know what the show's about?
About?
Yeah.
Yeah. The plot. The driving force if you will. [chuckles]
[chuckles]
Oh! Oh, the driving force?
Yeah, it's about producing erections.
[chuckles] Oh.
[gasps]
It's a musical about architecture.
That's unusual, right?
No, not really.
Producing. Cool!
Mmm.
(Louie) So, uh, what've you got for me?
Surprise of a lifetime.
Uh-huh?
It's nice. [smirks]
You got another surprise for me?
You like this?
[chuckles] Oh!
[crash]
Ah! Just give uncle Louie a taste maybe, huh? [kiss]
You know what? Time is money. Come with me.
Come on, show me what you got.
There's an idea.
[chokes]
The Godfather says goodbye.
Can I help you girls
Mr. Ravioli?
Uh, no, he's inside. I'm Manny,
the Talent Manager. What's your act?
We're a new team.
Together?
Yeah.
Well that l would like to see.
We're excited about producing your erections.
[whispers] Good one.
Are you gonna watch us, too?
It's tempting. Tempting,
but, uh, Louie prefers to do his business one on one,
but I'm sure he wouldn't object to a two on one, if you know what I mean.
Ha.
Hi, Mr. Ravioli. I'm Dee and this is my partner Dawn.
We're here to audition for your show.
No, no! Don't say a word. Don't say anything.
Just relax, sit there, have a drink, smoke your cigar,
and enjoy the show.
Ready Freddie?
You're gonna like this.
I think he's interested.
I'm really good at reading people.
Definitely.
You ready, Dee?
Yeah.
Six, seven, eight,
(both) One, two, three, four.
Six, seven, eight. [giggles]
Sorry.
[both giggle]
Starfish!
(both) Starfish! Starfish!
[both laugh]
Big finish!
Oh, big finish.
Big finish.
(both) Jazz hands!
Mr. Ravioli.
[gasps] Oh!
You killed him!
I killed him?
You threw a stick at him.
Now he's never gonna give us a job.
Oh my God, you're right.
Oh, no.
I know we didn't kill' em. Maybe he's,
maybe he had a heart attack from watching our crazy moves. It happens.
Give him the hammock remover.
The hammock remover?
[blows]
Oh!
Um, okay.
[blows]
Oh, oh! His piece of hair! Oh my God. oh!
Someone's here.
Hey.
[chuckles] I'll come back later. [clacks tongue]
Wow, some guys get to have all the fun.
What are we gonna do?
Just leave him alone there.
[whispers] Let's leave discreetly.
[both scream]
Oh my God! Oh!
He's on fire! Oh my God!
Oh!
Oh, no! What have you done?
Oh God!
Hurry up! Move it!
Oh my God.
Them?
No.
The Cat works alone. Besides, those outfits are way too flashy.
A good assassin keeps a very low profile, Leo.
You'd better remember that.
Help! Help! Somebody! Anybody! There's been a murder!
Murder! Help! Murder! Help!
Oh, crap!
Then again.
Come here! There's been a murder! Come on in! Come here!
Somebody help me! My boss has been murdered!
Louie's been murdered.
I thought you said it wasn't them.
That's just what she wants you to think,
expecting to work alone, she brings somebody along.
instead of blending in, she stands out.
(driver) She's brilliant!
The Godfather's gonna want this Cat,
or kitties, if you will, to take out Mr. Wong for sure.
(Manny) I warned him, but he wouldn't listen.
I should've guessed they'd use The Cat.
So you think this was the work of The Cat?
Oh yeah, without a doubt.
They were professionals.
They even invited me in to watch them do it.
Oh my God, I could've been killed, too.
Now wait, you said "they"?
Yeah, there were two of them.
And we got them on the surveillance tape.
Good. Good. [sighs]
She's become brazen and taken on a partner.
[both gasp] Oh! Oh!
All things considered,
I think the audition went really well.
It did. Didn't it?
It did.
Well, what are we gonna do?
Oh!
Okay, we leave town.
Let's get out of here.
Pack whatever you can,
Iet's get out of here.
No, we're innocent. Let's go on a vacation.
We're going to die.
[knocking at the door]
Someone's at the door.
[screams] Oh! Okay.
Oh my God! [gasps]
Grab something hard.
We're not home right now.
Leave a message after the beep.
Here's the beep. "Beep."
Good one.
Hello. Yeah. Oh my God. It's Warren,
What?
You know how they killed Louie?
They burned his friggen head off.
What?
They burned his friggen head off!
Holy shit.
Hello,
we're friends, ladies, uh, we're here to offer you a job.
Oh, job. I could really use a job.
So could l.
May we come in?
Sure.
So we were thinking, oh.
[click]
We work for Mr. Capella, uh,
there's no need for violence.
Oh!
I'll be the judge of that.
Are you guys agents?
No, no, no,
uh, we work for Mr. Capella, I swear to God.
I think I've actually heard of him.
He runs a big firm, right?
Yeah, that's it.
A big firm, probably one of the biggest.
So the rumors are true, you've taken on a new partner?
Wow, you know, word travels fast.
I just booked you in today.
I know.
We won't waste any of your time. Let's get right to our point of view.
We're listening.
There's a guy. He lives in Niagara Falls. His name is Hang Wong.
We want you to take him out.
Take him out?
I don't even know 'em.
We're willing to pay big bucks. Say a quarter of a million dollars?
Wait a second.
You're want me to take this guy out for $25,000?
Just take him out?
250,000 dollars.
Wow. Is that more?
I think so.
Half now and half when you're finished.
Why me?
Why you? [chuckles] 'Cause you're the best, you know?
For that kind of money I'll take him out, take him in or all out.
I know you guys are great,
but it's not that easy
this guy's well protected.
Ah, doting mom. Don't worry, I know the type.
Well, don't worry. I've taken out tons and tons of guys. Lots of guys.
I've taken out doctors, lawyers, actors,
musicians, [giggles]
and don't even get me started with the high school boys.
Oh, woo wee! [chuckles]
High school? You were taking out people in high school?
Oh yeah, only the ones I liked.
Wait, have you ever done any girls?
Once. I just wanted to see what it felt like.
Me, too.
Really?
[chuckles]
Wait, we don't have to do this do we?
Listen, I don't care what you do to the guy just get the job done, okay?
Well, when is he expecting us?
He's not. But the sooner the better, okay?
I think it fits into our schedule.
Okay, we'll do it.
Okay, deal. Alright, here's the, uh,
show of good faith.
Oh my God.
Pleasure doing business with you.
It's American.
(both) Woo! Woo!
We're going to Niagara Falls! [laughs]
Woo!
How'd it go?
Piece of cake.
Couldn't bring yourself to turn down one last slice, huh?
What are you talking about?
Oh, come on. It's all over the street.
You agreed to take out Mr. Wong in Niagara Falls.
You told me l'd get the next one.
Wait,
someone hired The Cat to hit Mr. Wong? Who?
Like you don't know.
The Godfather, for a quarter of a million.
Well, well, well,
someone finally decided to step on my paws.
Fatal mistake.
Are you saying someone is pretending to be you?
Someone's about to get scratched. Badly.
I'm coming with you.
Tell you what, kitten, this time,
you get to do the honors.
I'm in. Meow.
Have you seen these two women?
Yeah, l remember 'em.
Two dumb blondes,
they came in early this morning.
Amazing. Their cover's flawless.
Yeah, they bought a red Minicooper from the lot. Paid cash.
Of course, no credit card, no paper trail.
Continue.
That's it. They left their car,
said they'd pick it up,
when they returned from Niagara Falls,
said they were gonna take out a Mr. Wong or something.
You'll never see them again.
Hey, can l keep their car?
No, I'm sorry, it's evidence.
They'll probably use it to run over innocent babies.
Can I get out of the rain now?
Oh, please.
Okay.
Simply brilliant.
They knew we'd have the train station and airport staked out.
But, we didn't.
Well, we should have.
Smart Mr. Wong.
Looks like they're celebrating another notch in their kill pole, Campbell.
Run up all available agents. We're goin to Niagara Falls.
Boss, we need to talk.
So talk.
Uh,
We did like you said. We delivered the money to The Cat.
And?
She's not working alone anymore, boss,
She's hired on another assassin.
They torched Guido at The Beaver Patch pretty bad.
Burned his whole head off.
They're bad to the bone, boss.
Yeah, he's right,
if we didn't stand our ground when delivering the money,
we wouldn't be here now.
They were drooling at the mouth.
They were crazed with blood lust from the hit on Louie Rimoli.
They were gonna do some fancy high moves of karate on us,
but we stared them right down their eyes.
You would've been proud of us.
Yeah, we looked death right in the face and we laughed.
It's right. They knew better than to mess with us,
finely tuned killing machines.
What? An apprentice?
Yeah.
But The Cat knows better.
Any self-respecting assassin works alone. This is not good.
No.
Nope.
She's got some cojones.
[puffs] You're telling me.
Does she ever.
Yeah, she looks good.
Boss, what are cojones?
Yeah.
Nuts.
Teabags?
Oh, she's English.
That don't match here.
Nads.
Nothing.
She's got balls, you idiots!
(both) Oh!
Okay, yeah. Now I get it.
[chuckles] So you're telling me,
the number one assassin in the whole wide world, The Cat,
is a dude?
[slaps] Moron! Don't you know what a metaphor is?
Yeah, of course. [chuckles]
Sort of a [clears throat] man trapped in a woman's body?
No.
It's when a chick's got a dink.
No, that's-- you're an idiot.
No, it's not.
Will you two pea brains knock it off?
Boss, is this metaphor thing contagious?
Never mind, you idiots.
This could be serious. [snaps fingers]
[mumbles]
Ah, the book.
Ah, here it is.
Chapter 9, Subsection 4.
"Under no circumstance may an assassin,
"engage an apprentice for a contracted hit,
"without the express written permission,
of the contractor of said hit."
Right. You know,
when they mention the contractor,
they're talking about you.
Don't you think I know that, Einstein!
There are reasons for rules,
and the rules should not be broken. This is not good.
[mouths] No.
I'll have to send someone to make sure
that things go according to planned.
I want Wong wacked!
Oh, [chuckles] you know, we would love to do it,
but, I get a bit of migraines when I travel by air, boss.
It's bad. He does. And you know what?
I got a couple of sick days coming.
Where the hell did I find you two?!
You're turning a couple of different shades of hue
you should calm down, you're blood pressure is going.
I've got the solution.
Since you two tough guys
just finished telling me how you
"Faced death" and stared down The Cat,
[all chuckle]
you can have the job.
You won't get a migraine driving.
And you, can consider this trip to Niagara Falls
your sick days, huh? Capische? Huh?
Boss, I don't think it's a good idea
Enough talk!
I've spoken.
And unless you two want something broken,
No, no, no. We get it, boss. We get it, we get it.
Swan and I'll follow 'em to Niagara Falls
and make sure Wong is wacked good and proper.
Yes.
So I guess we'll just--
Whew. That's disgusting!
Sorry.
You two keep a low profile.
Remember Louie Rimoli was wacked right under the nose
of the Witness Protection Program.
The Feds are gonna have their brightest and their best
all over The Cat's scent.
Yes, Godfather.
Sir.
[blows]
You freaking imbeciles.
I can see the headlines now.
Louie the Lip, executed in broad daylight
under the Witness Protection Program.
You know what kind of putzes we're gonna look like?
What's a putz?
You're a putz, moron.
I think it's redundant, sir.
Aren't they mutually exclusive?
Enough! Enough.
Let's go over the facts.
Okay. At least we have a lead on the killer now,
we can start to turn around this bad publicity.
It's killers, sir.
What?
Killers. Plural, sir.
It's true, sir.
Louie the Lip was indeed taken out by the infamous Cat,
but it gets worse.
Now, not only does she have a new MO
but she has a new partner as well.
Well, I think The Cat's made her first mistake.
I won't be long until the kitten leaves the roost.
Because you can't have two cats in the same nest.
You mean litter, sir.
We're not after a litterbug, you idiot.
Not garbage litter, we're talking about cat litter.
[chuckles] Are you two geniuses mocking me?
Because I'm getting a very bad vibe here.
Now, maybe we're not on the same page.
Maybe l should put you back on foot patrol,
because you seem kind of fixated on garbage.
Well, there, there is something else, sir.
Yeah, well?
Cat and her new partner went to Niagara Falls
to do another hit.
Damn! We gotta stay on top of this.
Should we go after them?
No. I want you to stay here and bust people for littering.
[sighs]
Of course I want you two knuckleheads to go!
You think I'll let them flatfoot from Niagara Falls steal our lightening?
Thunder, sir.
First you mock me about litter, now about lightening?
I should have you two shot.
If you had us shot, it would be very difficult for us to--
It's a figment of speech! You moron! I'm not gonna shoot you.
Figure of speech, sir.
Get out!
Now! Just get The Cat
and if you fail I suggest you stay in Niagara Falls.
Do you understand?
[blows]
[giggles] I can't believe we bought this car!
I can't either.
Oh! Niagara Falls, here we come!
Yeah!
Where is it?
I don't know.
Oh, we'll find it. [chuckles]
It can't be too far.
I don't even see them, are we on the right road?
(Leo) There's only one road, they've gotta be up there.
(Swan) Alright.
Did you ever have a dream, Leo?
Yeah, it involves you, cement socks and a fishing trip.
What?
Well, l have a dream.
Long time ago, when I clutched my first protection money,
it was a nickle, for not thumping on a kid.
[chuckles] You know how old I was?
40?
No, 7.
47?
No, just 7.
Oh.
Yeah, I was a skinny little thug back then.
[chuckles] I had a big dream. I wanted to be a Don someday.
A Don?
Yeah. A Don.
A Don's got it all. Respect, women, power, money.
But your last name's Keith.
So?
So you'd be Don Keith [chuckles]
Sounds like a donkey with a lisp or something.
A friggen what?
Your enemies would be shaking in their boots.
Here comes Don Keith. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
You'd be laughed outta town!
Forget l mentioned it.
No, that's classic. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
Hee-haw! Hee-haw! Hee-haw!
Alright! Shut up!
(Swan) You're distracting me, they're gonna see us.
(Dawn) I gotta pee again.
(Dee) Me too.
(Gardiner) Keep up and don't let them see us.
(Campbell) Alright, Jeez.
(Dawn) Hey, are we being followed?
(Dee) No.
(Dawn) Okay.
(Leo) What do you think they'd do if they saw us?
(Swan) Chop our heads off
and leave us in the desert.
Why the desert?
I saw it on CSl.
Oh, I love that show.
Yeah.
Did you see the one where they put a victim in dog food?
What?
It's the best one.
[mutters] I'd put you in dog food.
What?
Aw, never mind. Never mind.
Do you think they know where they're goin'?
Probably making sure they're not followed.
Pure genius.
(Dawn) Have you been to Niagara Falls?
No, I saw a movie with Marylin Monroe called Niagara.
(Campbell) You'd better pull over at the next stop.
Why?
Because I gotta take a leak.
Come on, I just pulled over two hours ago.
Yeah, two hours ago, [chuckles] when I had a large coffee.
Well, I'm not stopping.
What am l supposed to do?
Hold it. What do you think?
Hold it? Yeah, I understand "hold it"
but I think my bladder might have another idea.
Ugh, you know, easy with the bumps. Okay?
You're an adult, control your bladder.
It's mind over matter.
Well it ain't working. Okay? It's not working.
Hey, Gardenia, why don't you try controlling my bladder?
Huh? Excuse me?
Yeah, why don't you try controlling my bladder?
Yes, have a nice, long conversation with my full bladder.
You know, you could reason with it and you can lay some guilt trips on it.
Hey, Gardenia!
Aren't you the Sigmund Freud of bladders?
So that you would know, you know, how I was feeling
so, like, if I were dreaming about waterfalls,
and I'm feeling like I'm about to explode or something like that,
Alright! Alright! I'll pull over at the next stop.
Thank you.
Just promise me you won't use that creepy voice.
The bladder voice?
Yes! Yes!
It scares me.
(Dawn) I'm so glad we met.
(Dee) Me too.
I'm so glad we have a job.
(Swan) Now we're-- we're more genius.
(Leo) Yeah, you're no genius.
(Swan) [mocks] Just because you took the test doesn't make you a genius, Leo.
(Leo) I missed by one freaking question.
What frequency is a sperm whale's mating call measured at? I mean, who knows that?
(Swan) 47 megahertz, come on!
(Leo) That was lucky.
(Swan) So I'm a genius.
(Leo) No, you're not a genius, I'm an almost genius.
(Swan) Whatever. Okay, Leo. Just don't lose 'em, almost genius.
(Leo) I'm not gonna lose em! Wait a minute, where did they go?
(Dee) I think we're getting close.
(Dawn) You think you're ready for Wong?
(Dee) How can l not be when it feels so right!
[giggles]
[waterfall-like sound]
(Dawn) We're here!
(Dee) Oh, I can't wait to get in there.
(Dawn) Hm.
(Dawn) Wait a second.
(Dawn) This looks familiar.
(Dee) What?
(Dee) Maybe we should ask for some help.
(Dee) Oh! Oh!
(Dee) Oh! Good, here we are.
(Dawn) Let's go.
Hi there.
Hi.
Are you ladies staying here?
Yeah, we're not checked in though.
No problem, I'll have your bags,
and may l ask you what is on your back?
Oh, that's Virgil.
He's a turtle.
[chuckles] lsn't he cute?
I'm sorry we actually have a, uh, very strict no pet policy here.
Um.
What?
It's a back pack.
Yeah, it's fake. He's a turtle backpack.
Okay! Right this way.
Thank you.
I'll take these.
[fart]
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.
Hi.
We'd like to get two rooms with one bed.
No, wait. One room and two beds.
That's right. A suite.
It's called a suite, right?
Well, we're pretty booked up.
Let's check the computer.
[tisk] Aw.
That was two beds?
Oh, I'm sorry, it seems we're out of suites.
(Dawn) We can just take whatever you have then, that's okay. Thanks.
How about a penthouse?
There you go. Enjoy your stay.
Thank you.
Right this way, ladies.
Excusie.
Here we are, ladies.
If there's anything else that I can do for you.
Please don't hesitate to ask.
Actually, there's something you could do for us.
Work on your manners.
[whining indistinct]
No, that's not a good feeling.
[gasping]
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah, I'm just um,
trying [indistinct]
[gasps] Wow.
I wonder who's staying there.
Wow. Probably the Shrink of Araby.
Yeah, a Shrek.
Shrek.
(Dee) [gasps] Wow!
(Dawn) Wow. Look! They have trees in the room!
(Dee) Oh my God!
(Dawn) I'm so excited! Cool! Look at our room!
(Dee) Oh! There's a pool in the bedroom!
(Dawn) Oh, look at the fireplace.
Wow, oh, my God!
[gasps] Wow.
Oh, Jesus. Hey, that's our suitcase.
Oh my God, this must be our room.
Oh my God! I'm so excited! [chuckles]
Wait. This is going to be so expensive.
No. Remember they couldn't find us a suite so they gave us this.
Oh.
Oh, I gotta feed Virgil. He must be starving.
Poor little boy.
Oh.
No pesticides.
Dee, come look at this!
Come look at this.
What? [yells] Oh my God! Oh my God! We're here!
(both) We're here! We're here!
Whoopie!
[giggles] We're here!
(both) We're here!
Oh, I can see the sky!
I can see the Big Dipper!
I can too!
Let's get you ready, girlie.
[blows sharply]
Only one way to accent the tushy.
Okay. Oh, what are they?
Guess.
Uh, okay. Miss Sixty.
No, Guess.
Oh, I like this. Okay. Um,
Frankie B.
They're Guess.
Miss Sixty.
[chuckles] These are Guess.
Okay, okay, just give me a minute.
[gasps] Jay Ben.
Forget it. Hey, check these babies out.
For your legs, highest heels.
Oh, highest heels.
There are high, higher and highest heels.
Try 'em on. Huh? They're cute.
I, uh, I didn't know you guys would be in here.
Uh, [gasps] uh, the sandwiches are on the cart.
and, uh, l, uh, the door was
Oh.
[hums] I think this still fits you.
Yeah, let me try.
Arms up.
Okay.
[chuckles]
I can do it.
I love this clean air. So pure, untouched.
Do you know where we look first?
I won't have to. She'll come to me.
We locate Mr. Wong and we wait.
When the hit goes down we kill my impostor
and we carry out the job ourselves.
Two dead, a lesson taught, The Cat,
or I should say Kit? is back on top.
You go get us a room
while I make my presence a little less known.
Why's everybody staring?
It's a good thing, right?
Yeah.
You know what? I'll go find Wong, I'll be right back.
Okay.
Excuse me, Miss.
I could use some lady luck.
Would you mind throwing the dice for me?
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
[spits loudly]
[chuckles]
Thanks.
Don't mention it. [chuckles]
Excuse me.
Hey, where's the information booth?
It's, uh, right over there, Ma'am.
Oh, thanks. Thank you.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Yes? Can I help you?
Oh, I hope so.
I'm trying to find Hang Wong. I think he's French.
Brilliant. I would've thought ltalian.
Maybe.
Have you heard of him?
[gasps] Hotel and casino.
They're doing a Dancalicious here.
That's Dee's favorite show. I must tell her, I'm so excited.
You're here to audition for Mr. Wong?
Oh, no, we're here to take him out.
That'll be a date he'll never forget.
I'm sure.
[laughs]
You can find him at the casino restaurant.
It's called the Tramonto. He's always there before the show starts.
The Tramonto.
Starts with a T. I'll find it.
That's right.
Thanks so much.
Yeah? Sorry.
Dee.
Oh! Hi.
I found Wong.
He's at a restaurant in the hotel.
That was easy.
[chuckles] He owns the hotel.
Oh my God.
We need the money. No gambling, no drinking.
Okay, okay.
Drinking's okay. No gambling.
I don't know how to gamble.
We'll keep a low profile.
We're here for one thing only, to take out Wong.
I'll be at Tramonto. In his restaurant.
There's a big sign that says Tramonto and it's the restaurant underneath it.
Okay, got it. Have fun.
Okay.
Oh!
(crowd) Oh!
Money plays?
[gasps]
What?
Money plays, Ma'am.
Will you let the money play?
Uh, I don't care.
No more bets.
Thirteen black. We have a winner. Paying out 10, 000.
[applause]
Would you like to let it ride, Ma'am?
What?
Would you like to let the money ride?
Let the money ride?
Um.
(crowd) Let it ride!
Sure.
All right, place your bets.
[applause]
Tra, Tra, uh, Tram, Tramonto.
Tramonto.
Hello.
Hello. Hm.
Are you sure that's her?
Without a doubt.
I heard her partner tell a total stranger what she was going to do.
Almost bragging. cold fish.
She just walks in the front door.
Either she's incredibly brave,
or incredibly stupid.
Come on, I want to watch her moves,
and when she strikes, we pounce.
(Dee) [clears throat]
Hello.
Hi, I'm sorry, Miss Dee, restaurant is closed for an hour.
There's a private party.
Oh, for Mr. Wong?
Are you with Mr. Wong's party?
I plan to be. [chuckles]
One moment. Please wait here.
Thank you.
Mm.
[sucks in]
[clears throat]
Mr. Wong's assistant will be joining us shortly.
Don't say anything about his eye.
Oh. Okay.
What kind of candies are these? They're good.
Candies?
Those are rocks from the Japanese rock garden.
I hate sushi. Ugh.
Oh!
What is it?
I don't know. She hit me with something hard.
[both gasp]
We have a new casino record!
[applause and cheers]
This is the most fun I've had with my clothes on!
What's your bet, Ma'am?
You know, I think I'll just let it ride!
[applause and cheers]
Hello.
Are you introduced to Mr. Wong?
Yes, um, you must be Mr. Wong's pirate.
I mean, ass-- ociate.
Come with me.
Where are you taking me?
To have a little talk.
How could she know? I can even think that she saw me.
Do you think they're on to us?
No. Nobody's that good unless they've the sixth sense of a--
Cat.
The lady's room?
You are not supposed to be in here.
Neither are you.
What?
Why are you here?
Well, I'm here to see, um, I mean, I'm looking,
Mr. Wong is busy.
I just saw him sitting at a table, I saw him with my own two eyes.
[whistles]
Who are you?
My name is Dee.
What's your name?
Wun Eye.
But my friends call me Eye.
Ay, ay, ay. [chuckles nervously]
Well, I hope you and, I hope we can be friends.
You and, l.
Well, we can get better acquainted.
Okay. Oh! Jeez, not that kind of friends.
Gosh, you know, you should treat me a lot better than that.
Okay, you're clean.
Oh, okay, well.
Once in the morning, once at night.
Is Mr. Wong expecting you?
No, it gonna be a pleasant surprise.
Look, oh shoot, I mean, listen,
Mr. Capellini hired me to take Mr. Wong out.
[Eye laughs]
That's a good one. Alright, you can call me Eye.
You don't think I'm good enough for him?
Sure. You just have to wait in line.
Oh, so he's quite the lady killer, huh?
Oh, yeah. He's a killer. [chuckles]
Come on, let's go with Mr. Wong. He'll like you.
You couldn't have come at a better time.
She's good, I'll give her that.
Sweet talk your way in and then strike.
Excellent.
Too bad l have to kill her.
I have a friend, she might be looking for me.
She's a really cute blonde. Could you keep and eye out for her?
Oops. Sorry. Um,
I forgot my purse in the bathroom.
No. No. Stay here. I'll get it.
Okay. Hey, do you have a breath mint?
I have a little bad breath.
Don't want to meet him like that.
No.
But I have a breath spray.
Oh, that's good, thanks. Oh!
Stay right here.
Okay. Okay.
Sure.
Oh!
It's that one-eyed guy. Let's get some practice.
[applause and cheers]
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thanks, guys.
Wow!
As you are fully aware, I do not work for Capella.
I work for no one.
Yeah. We know.
Mr. Capella just wanted us to talk to you
one last time.
One last time?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Is that a threat, Mr. Swan?
I don't know.
Hugo and l don't take kindly to threats.
Whew.
It's going down.
[whispers] It's breath spray.
[whispers] What?
Breath spray.
It's not a gun?
Ah. Okay. Okay. Uh. [chuckles]
[chuckles] Holy mackerel, I thought l lost a contact down there.
I got astigmatism I can't drive without them.
I know.
So, sorry.
[kisses]
Now he knows it's not polite to interrupt a woman in the bathroom.
Hm.
No obvious weapons.
She's better than I thought.
My turn?
[sighs] You'll get your turn.
Hello.
[chokes] Hello.
Do you three know each other?
Nope, never seen her before.
Who is she?
Yeah. These are the guys that hired me to--
to, uh, just show you a good time.
Sorry.
Oh, so you must be Mr. Wong.
Yes, I am Hang Wong.
[gasps] Ouch! [chuckles]
Please, sit down and join us.
Now, this method I prefer much more.
Friends in Hong Kong give each other gifts.
You are learning.
Cheers.
Cheers. I'm glad we're all here together.
(both) Ah!
[chuckles]
So, you are a professional girl?
Oh, yeah, I'm a professional.
What is your, uh, your specialty?
If you don't mind me asking.
My specialty? Well, um,
I'm a really good dancer, [chuckles]
and I wanna dance on Broadway!
Oh! Haya, holy!
[chuckles]
Is that so?
Well maybe you'll be interested in my play Dancalicious.
Dancalicious?
You produce Dancalicious?
I have my hands involved in so many operations
as I'm sure Mr. Swan could attest.
[mutters something while chuckling] l, uh
[gasps] My God! Dancalicious!
You know, I love that musical.
I know every word and I know every lyric.
There's a six o'clock show tonight.
Perhaps you could join me.
There is? How are we gonna get a seat?
I mean, that show must be sold out for at least two years!
No problem, we'll just kill two ticket holders.
Where did Eye disappear to?
Well you're right there.
Not me, Eye.
Well, I don't know if it's proper English,
but, um, you're still sitting right there.
[chuckles] Hugo. Find him.
Okay.
No, no, no. Sit down.
Go.
You just told me to go get him.
No, I said Hugo.
Right.
No, no, no. Sit!
Um, you just told me to go get him.
No, not "You go", Hugo.
[mouths Hugo] Do you want me to stay or do you want me to go?
I want you to stay.
Eye! Are you here?
[wham]
Who are you?
The last pretty face you'll ever see.
[screeching] Meow!
[chokes] Agh!
[gags]
[more gagging]
Not bad. A little messy.
Anyway, let's go talk strategy.
We have a little time. Would you like to, uh, ride my yacht?
[chuckles] Is that what they're calling it now?
You can ride my dinghy.
[laughs]
I have to go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna freshen up.
Oh, I got blood on my stole.
I have a feeling tonight will be very memorable.
[clears throat] Oh! Sorry.
There you are.
I was wondering who left that.
I think I'm a little anxious about tonight.
Hot date?
Well, kinda. Very profitable. [chuckles]
But I think Mr. Wong is so sweet.
You know you should be careful on dates.
A guy might already belong to somebody else.
Somebody who might get upset
if they feel their territory is being invaded.
You think he might have a girlfriend?
Something like that.
Or maybe something worse.
Jeez, everybody's speaking in widdles tonight.
Well, it's a good thing I'm almost done with him.
It'll be through soon.
Maybe you're through now.
[chatter and chuckles]
She's the luckiest bitch that ever lived.
God, I want her now.
Why didn't she kill 'em? She had 'em right there.
She's toying with 'em, waiting for the cruelest moment,
She's good, man, really good.
Yeah, but she seemed so sincere, so naive, back there.
You don't think maybe we got the wrong girl?
Nah.
Come on, Kit. Let's kill the bitch.
Oh, hello.
Hello, shall we?
Sure.
Can we check on my friend in the casino?
Of course.
[indistinct]
Shut up.
Whoa.
Blood.
Who's blood?
I don't know.
It's going into the women's bathroom?
Hello?
Hey, you guys?
She's gosh darn Charles Manson.
But she's not after us, right?
The hell with it, we're out of here.
Out of the bathroom?
No, out of the country!
Well, uh, but we're we gonna go?
I don't know. Korea or lraq.
Cuba! Yeah, Castro will take care of us.
Oh, there she is!
Dee, hi!
Oh, hi, Wong, I'm Dawn.
Hello.
[chuckles] You'll never believe this.
I won.
Won what?
About five pounds.
A million dollars worth of chips.
My God, that's great!
I know, I'm so excited.
That's so cool!
Have fun. Nice to meet you.
Bye. [chuckles]
Gosh, I hope she's hungry.
Would she like to join us?
Hello, Mr. Wong.
Meow. Hiss.
Shall we, uh, visit my yacht?
Oh, sure.
I don't know how we're gonna find them in this madhouse.
Don't worry, I've got men staked out
on every hot spot in the strip.
If they're here, we'll find 'em.
You're damn right. Son, have you seen these two blondes?
Yeah, they checked in a couple of hours ago.
Really? You sure?
(bell boy) Yeah, I wouldn't forget them,
um, she assaulted me.
You know, it's nothing.
I just saw one of them, they're in the hotel if you need them.
All units report to me right away.
A suspect has been spotted in the hotel.
I repeat. A blonde has been spotted.
Approach with extreme caution.
Show me where.
Are they dangerous?
This looks like trouble.
[hums] I gotta go find Dee.
Well, she was just here.
Uh, I think I saw the other blonde with, uh, Mr. Wong.
Mr. Wong?
Yeah, he owns the hotel.
Yes, I know who he is. Where?
I think I saw him go that way.
All units, we're heading for the front of the casino.
There goes that job.
[light chatter]
God! You're that guy in the commercial.
My friend loves you!
I knew it.
Hey, you! Stop! Police!
What? What?!
You're coming with me. Come here.
Dawn really loves him, I gotta get his autograph.
This way!
Show time.
Oh, excuse me.
[whispers] Oh my God!
It's you.
Yeah.
You're the love of my life.
That's very sweet-- Wait a second.
2001, Dead and Deader.
Yes, I was an extra.
Yeah, I looked for you after my close up.
I couldn't find you.
You did?
Oh my God.
I'm trying to find my friend. She's in trouble.
Did you see her?
The cops chased her through that door.
She did? Okay.
Is there anything--?
Yeah, can you hold this for me?
Yeah, sure.
there's a million dollars in there, so be careful.
These shoes are really uncomfortable to run in.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
[noisy kiss]
I love you. Thank you.
Yeah. Uh, what's your name?
Dee! I mean, Dawn. I'm looking for Dee.
Bye!
An autograph, please.
Uh, yeah. Right.
Come on. Go.
Oh!
Oh God!
Where does this elevator go?
It only goes down.
We'll take the stairs.
Um, put that in my room.
Ladies, I love you. I love you. [kisses] I love you.
(All) No, don't go!
[buzzing machines]
Why are the police after you?
I don't know if they're the police.
Many people are trying to kill me.
They can be killers in disguise.
If they're cops, they can talk to my lawyer.
All units. I'm in pursuit of a blonde and an unidentified male.
I want all air, land and sea assets on standby.
Have my helicopter pick me up at the west parking lot.
[Seagulls squawking]
[keyboard beeping]
Come on.
Everyone! We're in the wharf.
[bangs] Open up!
Get me a helicopter. Right away!
Go! Go!
(Dee) Oh, Jesus, Where are we going?
We're taking a little trip.
I didn't pack.
You won't need anything.
We going to Tahiti?
Six feet under.
Australia? I've never been there.
Shut up, Shut up!
If you talk to me like that I'm not going anywhere.
You won't have a choice in the matter.
Is that real?
What?
Is that real?
Yes! With real bullets. Now move!
All right!
Okay. Action. Go.
Rolling?
It's been one year of planning and it all comes down to this.
Okay, no smiling, more serious. Okay?
I'm being serious.
I know, but don't smile, eh.
It's been one year of planning
and it all comes down to this moment.
I plan to sneak over--
Help! Help!
I must find the yacht. My friend's been kidnapped.
How do I get to that yacht?
The fastest way is probably right there.
That boat there?
Yeah, we're making web history--
Do you mind? This is serious.
We're filming Crime of Mr. Wong.
I will sneak over that yacht, I'll climb aboard and blend in.
Oh, what-- what's she--
Hey, no!
She's kinda hot.
No, wait!
[both yell] Hey! Hey!
[Dawn starts engine]
[both yell] Hey!
I'm sorry. I have to save my friend.
I'll bring her back, I promise!
Keep it rolling.
Trim down on the motor or you'll drop the bow.
Come on.
Oh.
It's-- Viagra!
What?
I know what that is.
What?
You think you'll use that artificial stuff on me,
you might as well shoot me now.
I'm not gonna ride your dinghy.
What?
It's Viagara.
It's my uncle's name. It's named after him.
I'm not gonna ride your dinghy when you made a promise to [indistinct]
You shut your mouth, I promise I won't kill you.
Go, Go. Go.
Call my lawyer.
Where is she going?
Back to the casino, we're sending a helicopter.
Go! We're heading down stream to the haven.
Move. Move. Move.
[engines]
Hey! Dawn! Dee!
I mean, Dawn!
Let me take the wheel.
Keys.
Easy Ma'am. I just clean 'em.
The keys!
She's all yours.
Untie us.
[engine starting]
Bon voyage!
There it is. That's Wong's boat.
You're crazy.
Take a seat, sweetheart. It's show time!
[helicopter engine]
Let's move it. Come on, get the lead out.
There she is. She's got a goon with her.
That bitch! She thinks she's gonna waste Wong before I do.
Should l kill her first?
Let me do it. And you can take your time with Wong.
You've already had your kill today. I want to do it.
Who the hell are they?
I don't know.
But it looks like they're chasing,
that boat!
This is Agent Gardenia.
I want all available river patrol craft
to intercept Hang Wong's speedboat called the Viagara.
(Gardenia) We're headed downriver from River Rock Casino.
Ha, ha. I love this. Like Nam. Woo-hoo!
What are you gonna do when we catch them?
I don't know. Maybe you should tell me what's going on.
I don't know. Some rich guy gave us a bunch of money
to go to Niagara and take Mr. Wong out.
What? Take Wong out?
Yeah, just take him out to have a good time.
[bang, bang, bang]
[bang, bang]
Whose following us?
[bang]
They're shooting at us.
Get down! [bang, bang]
What the hell?
Hey, take a position.
Oh! That's my friend Dawn.
Hey, do you know how to swim?
I was in a hot tub once.
Then maybe you'd better shut up!
Don't shoot Dawn!
Hey, it's the blonde.
One of them. Wong must be on to them. He's got the other blonde.
There should be a flare gun.
[bang]
Intercept the speedboat
with two dark haired women in it. They're armed.
I got it.
Okay.
[bang]
Oh my God!
All units. All units. Gunfire. Gunfire.
They shot my dream guy!
Buzz the one with a weapon. Come on!
(All) Whoa!
Drop your weapons, ladies. We have you covered. Give it up, now!
God I hope this works.
[blast]
[engine runs down]
I don't know what the hell's going on. Let's go to Wong's boat.
Can you say something, please?
Patch me into the P.A.
Stop that boat now. Lie it down. Stop. Don't make us fire on you.
This is Agent Gardenia, Wong.
Give it up. Drop your weapons and prepare to be boarded.
And with what am I charged?
Oh, where do I start, Wong?
And be warned, that blonde that you're holding might be the infamous Cat.
Yes, she says she was gonna take me out.
[sighs] All units. All units.
Take everybody into custody,
we'll sort it out back at the River Rock Casino. Out.
I can't wait to see this report.
Let's head back to the casino.
You know, I was just trying to show you a good time.
I can't remember when I've had more fun.
I had some fun. You have fun?
Look at the camera, people.
Alright. Let's go over this.
The two blondes were Kit and Cat. So we can arrest them.
The dark haired girl shot the actor.
So we can arrest her.
And Wong kidnapped Cat.
Can we arrest him for that?
I'm not sure.
Let's go over it again.
So--
It's cold. [gasps]
Dee! Oh my God, you're okay.
God, you really love me.
[gasps]
Mwah!
Oh, Dee. This is my dream man.
Ken. Meet Dee.
I'm Ken. It's interesting to meet you. Both.
[both giggle]
I don't understand. Don't you know who I am?
You can't arrest me. I'm Hang Wong.
Did he just say he was hung wrong?
Yeah, he's Wong. That's why he's getting arrested.
So, you're a Navy Seal, huh?
Uh, was.
Navy Seal doesn't sound very scary.
Maybe Navy Shark or Navy Lion. That's a good one.
I'll let them know.
Thanks. [giggles] But you're my seal, now.
When you save someone's life, you're responsible for it.
It sounds good to me.
Dawn tells me you're a talented dancer.
[tisk] Well, I try. [giggles]
A couple of our dancers are unable to make it
for next week's performance.
How would you like to be in the show?
Oh my God, are you serious?
Oh my-- I'd love to. Only if Dawn can be in it too.
I think that can be arranged.
[both yell and laugh] Oh, my God! We got a job!
Let's arrest them all.
Alright everybody, gather round, listen up.
Officers, I want you to arrest these two women.
This is the infamous Cat and her protegee.
Oh yeah, I've been following you for six years.
They're wanted for a string of murders all across this country.
No, you idiot! It's me!
You've been waiting six years to capture me.
I'm the one responsible for killing over 30 people without a trace.
I'm the criminal mastermind!
I did the Lone Shark with a piano wire.
I snapped Louie Rimoli's neck.
I-- I'm responsible for blowing up the governor's kitchen
with putting the explosives in his pate that day.
Me! Me! Not these two idiots.
I want my credit, and I want it now!
She knows about the piano wire and the pate.
Pate?
Arrest that woman!
Finally, some respect.
[whining]
Well,
I guess I'm free to go?
Oh, wrong-o wungy.
You've been charged with kidnapping this innocent young girl.
Cuff 'em!
What? Wait! Hey! You can't do this to me.
These girls are innocent.
Free to go, ladies.
[both giggle]
Oh, shoot.
I knew it all along. They were using them as decoys.
Anybody can see that.
So what do we do now?
Spend a million dollars.
Oh my God! [giggles]
[both giggle]
Dream man.
Mmm.
[sighs] Oh, Virgil.
Why were you taking flying lessons, anyway?
Well, Dawn, statistically,
um, flying is safer than driving, I read it.
For you, definitely.
[giggles]
Hi, guys.
Hey, you all little chitlands. Hi!
(All kids) Hi.
Welcome to Dee and Dawn's
Famous Turtle Sanctuary.
One day we'll have a lot of these turtles.
We're gonna rescue them,
and they'll be able to run free and have fun.
Um, this is Virgil.
It's Virgil. Yes.
He's my friend.
And Virgil does a lot of tricks. Right, Dee?
Right. Yeah. [mumbles] Kind of. There you go.
Come on, Virgil.
Wow, look at him. Come on, Virgil.
He likes you guys.
[Dawn chuckles]
We only have one now, but we're gonna have a lot pretty soon [chuckles]
[both chuckle]
Now, turtles can teach us a lot.
[fart]
[all children laugh]
We already know how to do that.
[all children laugh]